心向快乐第一季

因为爱你，所以我选择隐瞒我的过去，我变得不那么坦诚，我对你有所保留。

因为爱你，我会在意你的过去，在意你的生活，也因此强迫你参与你所讨厌的戒毒所。

当然，因为爱你，我不能没有你，我愿意为你做出改变，也因为是你，才成就了更好的我。

故事仅仅是关于同性恋的，涉及的问题却普适于大多数情侣。

编剧太善于捕捉和突出表现恋人生活的冲突。

以自己为故事原型并且出演自己是一种绝对意义上的自我暴露。

（指路，b站搜索Mae Martin 短发女孩的约会困境）一位很棒的脱口秀喜剧演员足够的坦诚充足的信任以及良好的沟通是一段健康恋爱的开始。

喂！

你好，给我来一颗Mae的头和一双Mae的手和一对Mae的平胸和一双Mae的长腿，对了，不加Mae的毒瘾，不加Mae火急火燎没法安静一分钟的性格。

谢谢。

什么，没有？

那给我来一份Mae的发型好了。

我喜欢George的单纯，颜值真有点英国王妃的感觉。

她们真的好随心啊，好像谁都没有出去自己的压力，都只需要让自己一个人开心就好了。

Mae Martin不仅是《Feel Good》的女主，是本片编剧之一，同时自己也确实是一位知名喜剧脱口秀演员。

《Feel Good》不仅沿用了Mae的名字，故事也基本上是她现实生活的翻版。

3月19日，Netflix发行了新剧《Feel Good》，豆瓣译名《心向快乐》，但我更喜欢之前的译名《迷醉伦敦》。

这是一部甜甜的同性爱情剧，讲述了毒瘾缠身的单口喜剧演员Mae Martin和“直女”女朋友的新恋情。

从相识到同居，只需要一集。

Mae Martin: 才华横溢的喜剧脱口秀演员

许多观众都为Mae的魅力所折服，而我看完剧只有一个感觉，导演太会选演员了，要知道单口喜剧并不是那么好演的，而Mae在舞台上自然到让所有人相信她作为一个喜剧脱口秀演员的才华。

后来一查资料才知道，Mae Martin不仅是《Feel Good》的女主，是本片编剧之一，同时自己也确实是一位知名喜剧脱口秀演员。

《Feel Good》不仅沿用了Mae的名字，故事也基本上是她现实生活的翻版。

和《Feel Good》中的女主角一样，Martin来自加拿大。

加入《The Young and the Useless》剧团以后，Mae便开始了自己的喜剧生涯，16岁时便获得Tim Sims Encouragement Fund Award（为鼓励戏剧演员新秀设立的奖项）提名，是该奖项有史以来最年轻的提名人。

在脱口秀演出之余，Martin还是加拿大CBC电视台电视喜剧小品系列《Baroness von Sketch Show》的编剧，并凭借出色的剧本撰写才华获得过2次加拿大银幕奖最佳编剧奖。

2011年，Martin移居英国，开始在英国参与一些电视和广播节目。

2018年，Martin首次出现在Netflix《全球喜剧人》系列中。

Martin的关键词：性别流动Martin虽然的确与男性和女性都交往过，但她拒绝被贴上“同性恋”或者“双性恋”的标签，她一直谈论的便是，性别是流动的，性倾向也一样。

如果你翻看Mae以往的脱口秀节目，你会发现她和剧中一样，在各种各样的舞台上调侃自己的“年少无知”，自己沉迷毒品的黑暗经历，自己的爱情故事。

在BBC第4频道，Martin有一档专题栏目《Mae Martin's Guide to 21st Century Sexuality》（Mae Martin的21世纪性别指南），专门讨论社会与性别问题。

在另一些舞台上，Martin也谈论过“为什么你是同性恋”、“与异性交往”、“生来如此”、“天性还是规训”，这些节目的碎片拼凑起来，便成了我们看到的《Feel Good》。

《迷醉伦敦》为什么这么戳心？

喜剧的内核，是悲剧，《Feel Good》也一样。

剧中George在遇到Mae以前都是异性恋，因而难以跟父母和身边的朋友启齿自己有了女朋友的事，而这也成为了两人矛盾的触发点。

Mae在自己的节目中吐露心声，说自己不再穿颜色鲜艳的衣服，但更怕George将自己视为男性。

我们都知道，即使是在性少数群体中，也是存在“鄙视链”的，“双性恋”在同性恋群体中其实是非常不受待见的。

《Feel Good》所反映的核心在于同性恋的性别认同，可能与大多数人的认知不同，许多同性恋并不认为自己的社会性别与生理性别相反。

尽管取材于Martin的真实人生，George这个角色其实是许多人的集合体。

“搬来英国之后，我和一些女孩约会过，她们中的确有一些从来没有和女生在一起过，我会和她们共同经历这个过程。

实际上，这个过程是既辛苦又有趣的，同时很多事情也会给我们带来很多压力。

我觉得我能够理解这种动态的变化，我们只想要展示性别流动的事实。

她从来没有想过自己会变成这样，但她突然爱上了一个女孩，然后立马感受到了要重新建立自己的身份与认同的压力。

其实她并不是必须要去面临这些压力，她只是爱上了一个人而已。

她必须要重新去建构自己的性别认同，甚至是自己的世界观。

我们真的很希望观众能够感受到剧集中体现的对George的同理心。

”还有第二季吗？

“我是个彻头彻尾的浪漫主义者，我整个20岁的人生似乎都是围绕爱情展开的，所以我想写一个爱情故事。

我们想写一个充满难堪但同时也很诚实的现代爱情故事，我希望人们重视感情。

关于这些角色，我们想讲的还有很多，我们很乐意拍第二季。

”采访部分文字译自Thrillist对Mae Martin的采访：How Mae Martin Mined Her Life Story for Her Bingeworthy Netflix Comedy。

这个剧后劲太大了，虽然每集只有短小精悍的25分钟，整季只有6集，但在这样的限制下也难以掩饰mae martin的过人才华。

整体节奏过快，还没等观众进入情绪就已经切入到下一个情景也许是一大短板，但同样，全剧没有一句台词是废话，快节奏也带来了强大的情绪冲击力。

ep4开头，George和mae说自己曾非常迷恋Arnie Rivers，觉得他很帅很高，mae黯然神伤。

但当mae在酒吧和Arnie见面并见识到他的“男性魅力”之后也“化身迷妹”，开始模仿Arnie的一系列举动。

比如，不知从哪里突然手中闪现信用卡，并帅气地主动要求替餐厅偶遇的一家人买单。

（但信用卡被拒，最后还是George买了单，装b失败）

之后M问G，如果两人将来分手，以后的约会对象会选择男还是女。

G回答大概是男人吧。

M没说什么，但她纠结下服用了在医院偷拿的镇定剂，以及这之后的镜头中表达出的M始终无法接受自己的身体，无论是乳房还是女性曲线，她试着穿女士吊带裙并端详镜中的自己，但在G回家时却立刻关上房门并换上了难以分辨体型的T恤，这些种种都表明了M对于自身性别认知的纠结。

因为G在遇见M以前的约会对象都是男性，并且一直以来都是“直的”欣赏带有浓烈男性特征的人，这就让M更加焦虑，一方面她想成为G心中完美情人的样子(high school boyfriend, simple, kind, full of sperm)，而另一方面M的女性身体结构限制了这种努力。

在后来的剧情中M带上dildo和G做爱，G无意识的说了一句“i want you to cum inside me”，这句话也许就成了两人后来breakup的导火索。

在一直是异性恋的意识形态的G眼中，这只是一句ml时增强气氛的调情。

可M却不这么想，因为她无法做到射精这一行为，而正因如此仿佛之前所做的一些努力都白费了一样，她努力使自己更像男人，变成G偏爱的样子（culturally straight），但其实内心深处她并不认可这些masculine做派（参照ep6中M对于Kevin的态度）。

就像她对自身的评价那样“i think i'm a transgender, or non-binary... ”即她既不是一个“合格的”女孩，也永远无法成为一个男孩，是夹在中间的，带有尴尬色彩的，模糊的性别。

“i want you to cum inside me”这句话是否带有性挑逗意味是很值得思考的。

异性间带有繁殖目的的性交行为除外，都是单纯的享受性交的快感从而增进感情。

既然如此，只要达到性高潮就好，射精与否其实并不重要。

尤其是对于女性来说，非性器官之间的刺激和挑逗也能够达到这一目的，并且体内射精还面临着意外怀孕的风险，所以对于女性来说应该是值得担心的事情为什么会变得sexy呢？

因为这是原始的，自然的？

但其实在很多文化中，以生育为目的的性交是文明的，纯洁的，不带有“肮脏的性欲”的象征，例如在江户时期的日本，男人若想寻求浪漫爱情就会去吉原找游女，而家里妻子是只可远观而不可亵玩的，和母亲是同样存在的“圣女”。

射精这一行为对于男性来说一直有种莫名的成就感和自豪感，每次射精都好像成功攀登珠穆朗玛峰，而男人最恐惧的事情之一也必然有阳痿早泄等性功能障碍。

还有G的朋友们在谈话中永远无法离开有关男性生殖器和射精的玩笑，从这里也不难看出G一直以来受到的以男性话语权主导的社会和文化思想的影响，这种影响也就导致了她会不自觉地说出这样的话并以为很性感。

跑题了，说一下T这个群体。

也许是因为性别认知障碍，也许是因为喜欢的对象恰好是直女，总之她们是一群从不停止抹去自身女性特质的努力的女人。

即便像M那样拥有美丽的身体曲线和坚挺好看的乳房，她们总是羞于展现。

其实男性特质也没什么，但在现在的父权制资本主义的社会背景下，T时常成为被嫌弃的对象——特别是les这个群体当中，也就能够理解了。

打个比方，就好像19世纪的一个工人经常打扮成资本家的样子去工厂里，那么这个人大概率是要被说“背叛了无产阶级”。

简单讲就是，男性化是OK的，但要取其精华弃其糟粕。

“我喜欢你，喜欢你的声音，喜欢你的身体，喜欢你的气味，喜欢你的疯狂又有趣的小脑瓜，不是因为性别年龄人种地位那些社会强加给每个人的抽象概念标签，仅仅因为你是你。

”

George的想法其实挺多人也会认同，就是爱情不一定非要分享生活中的全部，应该彼此留点空间，但如何把握之中的平衡点？

这才是至关重要的。

而Mae这段对于流动的性取向的探讨也是很有意思，也道出了很多人的心声，对于straight girls，自己的去男性化特征是否是劣势，以及对于自我认同和归属感的问题，自己到底是属于男性还是女性，抑或是两者都不是的一个失败品？

成瘾的不只是毒品，它可以拓展到生活的任一方面，游戏、音乐、兴趣爱好，甚至是一个人，whatever “that you crave, but you can’t give up despite it having negative consequences.”

不被标签定义，活出最真实的自己，心向快乐。

从Mae的身上看到了自己的影子吧！

Mae Martin作为本片编剧，把亲身为T的成长经历/性向探索/人生困扰呈现到了荧幕上来，荧幕呈现是很成功的！

相信很多T子都能感同身受，个人经历家庭环境也和她差不多，甚至糟糕很多倍，她的困扰其实真的很能代表中性女生这个群体了，我们经历过的几乎都被写了进去。

Mae之前是一个瘾君子，成瘾的本质是什么？

不过就是大脑的分泌快乐的刺激物是毒品，一些人通过刷短剧视频，一些人是通过猎艳性交，一些人通过吸烟酒精或美食购物等等。

看你怎么用一种相对健康的方式去应付生活的无聊和打发时间罢了。

为什么成瘾？

因为逃避痛苦，只能直接给身体注入兴奋剂，让大脑强行分泌多巴胺，从而使体验到最直接的物理感官快乐。

而毒品最终导致中枢神经系统失调，重复的过度的依赖毒品最终是人万劫不复坠入地狱。

那么她为什么会成为一个瘾君子，为什么失眠/焦虑/自卑/成瘾/困扰呢？

个人认为是她青少年的成长经历，还有没有被家庭的真正的接纳和被相信。

幼年没有一段健康有爱互动的亲子关系作为镜子，成年后无法很好的处理亲密关系。

也许有人说她反复横跳/不负责任/明明是被爱的等等，我想说未经他人苦，莫劝他人善，这个世界是没有真正的感同身受。

Mae同样也是幸运的，能遇到George这个在人间的天使，G一直努力的突破自己，她完善了自己的人格，也成全了这段关系。

但是对Mae我想说：过去的经历你永远无法改变，再糟糕的童年，再痛苦的过往，它一直就在那里。

你可以选择沉溺过去，通过责备他人，用一个受害者的方式而活。

那你终将活成你最讨厌的人，也就是你的母亲样子。

因为你因错过了太阳而流泪，那么你也将错过群星。

但你也可以选择改变看待过往的方式，去接纳糟糕的过往，心疼自己一路走过来自己多么不易，用将来一定要好好爱自己和照顾自己的心态，才用积极正向的行为替代成瘾性的坏习惯，好好的生活下去！

这个过程也许很难也许很久，但没办法，这就是你的人生剧本！

I wish you feel good and please be believe that you are always be loved!

First of all, it brings some feelings back to me when I am feeling nothing. I appreciate that. Always think a relationship is like “I got issues and you got’em too.” And we live with them together as a partners. Mae and George have their issues. They tried to cover or deal with them in the series. Maybe there’ll be no ultimate solution. It’s just a process in daily life. As for Mae, who is always go with the feelings and chase the feelings, which is to find the approach to FEEL GOOD. George is more tend to be traditional and hard to open up utterly. They are vivid characters and I can relate from some plots. It’s a huge world. There are various people and perspectives. Sometimes I just watch it and think: it’s ok to say that??? Just embrace the diversity and try to be more open minded.Talk to people who care about you or just try to be these people.It’s ok to be passionate or just want to save everything for oneself. Accept everyone’s tendency. George said: “I just can be an island. That’s how I operate.” 🖐🏾 It could happen. I’m more relaxed now. Thank you guys:)

This is fucking good😭😭😭第四集之前：I fucking love Mae Martin yet this drama is a little bit normal第四集之后：Fucking awesome plot😭😭😭Mae Martin is super genius😭😭😭

I feel like I'm full of birds. 典型的英式喜剧，好多那种冷笑话哈哈哈哈哈，而且除去主角之外人物有为剧情发展和气氛需要脸谱化的嫌疑。

George真的很美美得像戴安娜王妃。

Mae Martin…我发现我只是喜欢小奶狗而已性别什么的无所谓，所以我原来是无性恋吗（误）看到做爱部分会感觉都是女孩子的话会让我容易习惯很多很多…可能也是对lesbian群体本身不了解不过我不想管那么多剧本真的很好很好。

感觉能体会到日常人与人之间交往的那种真诚与温暖感觉。

情感很细腻，但感觉铺陈有时候不到位，也可能我本人不够敏感。

剧里的话还是美化过的现实…首先addict被编进去本身就是对taking drugs的一种美化…cant help doing something while knowing that it will bring some negative consequences hhhh但是很多琐碎的碎片化现实又fucking real and fucking touching，Mae和George最后对话还有以前其他的对话里面那些词不达意欲言又止还有反复的sorry, I just... 都好London好生活…我们都一样啊。

You are being loved. 那里真的眼眶湿润了。

not an island... 人与人之间的联系真的是拯救一个人的根本吗。

md这部里面的感情真的都好他妈流畅啊。

就是在考试周看然后看第一集的时候：这能拍六集？

看完第六集的时候：怎么只有六集该不会我还要等第二季吧。

看到还有第二季的时候：希望我能先紧着复习😭差点忘了夸导演！

色调真的超级超级棒啊，好多镜头都很漂亮，镜头下的人也无比好看。

调色和色彩搭配都太好了…视角也很棒。

看看这个镜头多绝美！

她其实是需要被人保护的 外表帅气内心脆弱的像只小绵羊🐑特别能够理解她的焦虑 不安 依赖可能有时候像是一种投射 和父母的关系和喜欢的直女怎么相处(这种相处模式有些消耗乔治)和lesbian怎么相处(lava在某些时候还是挺迷人的，不过生气打翻碗的时候还挺吓人的)和异性怎么相处 ，要知道在某些异性恋男性眼里只要你是个女孩，就可能是他们的猎物 所以不存在纯粹的异性好友 (mae和那个男人只是，在逃避问题)

Yes, I titled my review by using Jeanette Winterson’s biography for reference. It is true if you look it up in Douban, a Chinese version IMDB/Facebook, Feel Good will in the recommendation list as the searching result. In this website, people retitle this show as ‘Drunk in London’. It is accurate to use Drunk to describe the main character Mae Martin’s life predicament. She wants to get on the right path but couldn't help making a mess, she tries to be normal but cannot get rid of the psychological hint that ‘You need to accept you have a problem’, she wants to build up a stable intimate relationship but loses control due to emotional insecurity. But I still prefer the original title ‘Feel good’. It is hard to be normal in this high-demand world, feeling good is enough.The encounterAfter watching the series in one sitting, I can safely say Mae Martin is the second gay girl character I feel myself fall in love with after Anne Lister in Gentleman Jack. (Sorry, Suranne!) She is a special friend being with me in this strange self-isolation period. Can I call it love in the time of cholera? I couldn’t help replaying the scene Mae and George encountering and kissing in the pub. How romantic it is when you find someone in the crowd only laughing at your stuff, getting your point while you’re being ignored by others. England’s rose and the Canadian corn are like a blazing fire and dry wood. It is not all about how a tomboy chase a straight girl and how a straight girl seduce an unconfident lesbian. This is a vibrant start that I bet each girl is longing for. You might have a relatable journey that you are falling for a person who is not of the same clan but you think the fate drops from the clouds and the refreshing relationship will be working between you two. After oversharing with a stranger, you believe you have a bond and that’s hard to find in life.

Things usually happen like that, but most beautiful encounters will not end in well. Five minutes past, Mae and George are standing inside and outside the curtain, which implies George is stepping into her life and will be a part of her story. In fact, it does. This is the most subtle camera structure in EP1. It reminds me of how I met my exes, how we consume each other and how I lost them in the end. I suddenly realise I see my own reflection in Mae’s pupils when she says ‘I am not intense’.

Between normal and abnormalIt is rather to say Feel Good is a dark story than rom-com. At least, let’s say it is a heart-breaking life story dress like a love story. Mae Martin's tribulations she experienced in her career, family, and relationships are the main topics of the show. Before that, I’ve had enough of messy ‘permutation and combination’ style relationships in The L Word. Hetero audience hunt for novelty in LGBT TV drama but ignore character’s daily concerns as ordinary persons. They also have issues of how to repair the parent-child relationship, how to express who they really are in front of their friend who is always in the dominant position. Feel good has a unique texture with life-like characters. Each character in this show is so real. Their witty dialogues tickle my fancy all the time.I can feel the director and the writer manage to keep up a high level of real emotions throughout the show and they capture characters’ dazzling personalities with a brisk pace. In this story, Mae and George are both like premature babies in the incubates, waiting for growth to be big, confident flowers. The director did not portray them as aliens but show strong empathy to care their own inner development. We witness their journeys in pain and sober.My inner journey of watching "Feel Good" is like a roller-coaster.E1: Oh!!! Mae and George are just adorable! E2: Well...I changed my mind. I'd better stand for Mae and Lava?E3: It is a bloody embodiment of "Please never date a straight girl unless you want to date for floods of tears."

Mae is an authentic, awkward, blunt, needy, sensitive girl with forlorn hope on George’s love. In her whole life, she has felt she is not in the right place. There is ‘other place’ she supposes to be. She thinks people are just swapping one addiction for another, while George is her another addiction. My favourite scene is in the EP3. Mae feels humiliated and a bit angry when being told to enjoy the party. Her confession broke my heart for real.‘You grew up rich and white and straight and hot, you won the lottery. Of course, you want to dance. You're surrounded by people that want to fuck you. Of course, I don't want to dance in front of people that would have bullied me in high school. And you are too ashamed to touch me. If you want me to feel confident then hold my hand.’It is not a gay thing. Any underrepresented people could relate to it. There used to be a moment you thought someone in the crowd could see you, but now you found this person knew nothing about your feelings. You notice the intangible huge gap between you. That really hurts. As the representative of straight girl, Binky holds the opinion that ‘birds of a feather flock together’ by bring Mae and her lesbian cousin together. It is like saying ‘Hey gay girl should stay in your small bubble. That is the norm.’ You all know the hilarious result. Two girls hi each other and ‘see you’ soon. I laughed at this stuff not because there is less possibility for two Tomboys to fall in love with each other (on the contrary, they may slag off each other), but shocked by people’ ignorance that they think a lesbian will definitely like another lesbian since your are of the same kind. Come on. We are all human beings having clear love and hate. The gentle satire to some self-righteous people is one of the highlighted moments in this show. Sorry, your norm is ridiculous.

People distorts the definitions of ‘normal’ and fasten it to the minority. I became to realise the reason why the writer did not let Mae choose Lava, another lesbian girl who’s crush on her, even though a lot of my friends stand for them. ‘If you were my girlfriend, I’d make you come in under a minute.’ is the coolest line in this show. Lava is cold but affectionate in her own way. The writer probably wants to break the stereotype that it is easier to love your own kind. I think Mae must bottle a hidden line up: Hey, I cannot love you just because you are lesbian too.Reframe your selfAfter watching it a second time, I changed my impression of George. I shouldn’t have been so mean to her when I watched the first time last week. This time, I see her struggling in her new identity. She hurries so much to put lesbian label on herself by saying ‘I have a girlfriend’ to the wedding photographer and ‘I belong to here. I finger my girlfriend a lot’ to the bartender, in order to cover up her inner uncertainty. ‘Your sobriety. Your gender identity. Is there anything isn’t my responsibility?’ She is facing the greatest pressure in her life. Being with Mae is like pulling up seedlings in her mind to help herself grow, in friendship, and in the workplace. But actually, the key point is not about learning how to be a lesbian. Instead, she needs to learn how to express a real herself, uncover her real feelings to the people surrounded, just like Binky says ‘If you are bothered, just tell us.’ There is another storyline of Mae’s narcotics anonymous meeting. This kind of support group is quite common to see in British/American dramas, like Killing Eve and Flack. As a student with a coaching background, I feel negatively surprised to see team members sitting in a circle and saying ‘I am an addict’ followed by self-introduction. Is it really work to settle a matter by giving themselves psychological suggestion that they still have problems? Or they just gather to find I am not the worst one. In EP 4, Lisa Kudrow hits the nail on the head. Everyone feel better or you feel better when people address the elephant in the room? Every time when Mae suffers a setback in relationship with George, she turns to Maggie and Lava. However, the temporary sense of belonging is self-deception.Like her mother, Mae is a strong, impulsive, stubborn women. But she also has the vulnerable side.‘But you told me you loved me first. That was the best moment of my life. I’m embarrassed. I let myself think that someone like you could be with someone like me. I’m not a boy. I’m not even a girl. I’m like a failed version of both. Why am I such a freak?’ She has so many feelings. What she wants is being accepted as what she is, being stick with a new healthy addiction. That is George. In the last episode in season 1, Mae decides to return to George. The plot seems to quite rush. I wouldn’t say they are the perfect couple and I still doubt the relationship will last. But I would like to regard them as a pair of ‘learning buddy’ in this journey. George is the still and quiet habitat and Mae is the Pac-Man. Story is over. Life needs to go on. They both have too much to learn, not only for love but for lives.Alien they seem to be. No mortal eye could see. The intimate welding of their history. by Thomas HardyOther things I want to addressBesides main characters, each supporting role is so lovely: Phil, Binky, Mae’s father, the bartender, and the bellboy in horror hotel. I love the script! I am especially impressed by Mae’s father. He has the wisdom of affairs handling and can read people’s mind accurately.

"You are still and strong, you wear your heart on your sleeves, you are fiercely passionate." ‘Your young lady must be needing you now. She’s off on her own, adrift in uncharted seas.’He is absolutely one of the best father roles I’ve ever seen.Now I can say I am ready to graduate from Feel Good after finishing this review. Thank you, Lisa, you remind me of the scotch egg I’ve had in Yorkshire. I am glad you enjoy it too. I will probably visit Blackpool to see the beautiful sunset one day. See you guys in season 2!

by Lssiedusky2020.3.31